Tough but so worth it! Motatapu Event – Miners Trail 2010

Inspiring women…everyday lives

I love the fact that women from all walks of life inspire me everyday to be a better person, a better coach, a better mother and a better friend. The ‘Inspiring Women’ series is an opportunity to honour the gems in our lives as they  share their journeys. Herstory will give you an insight into the lives of women who travel their own path, learning valuable lessons along the way. They do so with style and grace and a smile on their face and remind us all of what is truly important in life.   

 Herstory: Vanessa Wells    

 Quick Bio  

 I am 40 this year, and have been married to gorgeous Jonathan for 15 years.  We have 2 beautiful boys, Lachie (9yrs) and Tom (almost 7yrs). I have had many different jobs but currently on my airport departure card I write “Actor”. I am also a fulltime mum.  I adore being home for my kids at 3pm after school and when work does force itself into this time I have a wonderful group of friends and family who step in and help out.  Jonathan can also work from home occasionally which gives us flexibility, but he is often travelling with work too, so our babysitting budget is high!    

 A conversation with…Vanessa   

  How many ‘hats’ do you currently wear in your life?    

 Family Hats: mum, wife, sister, daughter, daughter-in-law, friend, school volunteer, civil defence volunteer   

 Work Hats: Improviser, corporate entertainer, mc, voice artist, film/tv/stage actor, tv presenter, improv tutor   

 Fun Hats: running, gardening, yogi   

 Take me through a week in the life of Vanessa, what does it look like?

 Best we start with Sunday night when I pull out the diary and get a feel for the week ahead.  I like to write a meal planner for the week and stick it on the fridge to avoid that horrible 4pm “arghh what are going to eat tonight?” stress.  Jonathan and I cross-check our diaries, so no-one is left stranded.    

 Mondays: I try to avoid meetings on Mondays if I can, as I go to yoga in the morning (and in running season, I run the park before that). Mondays often find me dealing with domestic chaos from the weekend.  We also employ a cleaner to come Monday too (Christine – we love you!) and that makes a big difference to the week for us all!  After school, its rugby and cubs juggle.   

Tuesday: This is often a productive work day.  Paperwork, planning, meetings etc.  Afterschool, my lovely Jonathan arrives home at 4.30 and cooks for our kids while I go to workshop until 7pm at the Court Theatre. After workshop I often go to shows or eat out with other company members before getting home not too late.   

Wednesdays:  Always busy!  A run in the morning, I often get rostered on for school duties on Wednesdays, and miscellaneous stuff seems to fill the day.  Kids rugby and keas are afterschool and evenings are Bookclub (once a month – sheer joy!) or Screen Canterbury board meetings.   

Thursdays: An ‘at home’ day – in theory.  I often find it gets filled with one off jobs or meetings.   We try and keep Thursdays afterschool simple too.    

Fridays:  Usually long!  When training, I love a big run on Friday, however I am often performing at the Court Theatre’s late night comedy show Scared Scriptless which starts at 10pm.  When I can, I set my alarm and hit the couch for a power nap at 2.30pm before the kids get home from school.  If I’m MCing then there has been a couple of hours of planning on the Thurs or Fri.  If I’m performing, a can of Red Bull at 9.30pm helps!  It takes a while to wind down after a show, but I am usually home by 1am. 

Saturdays:  Saturday morning sport with the kids is usually a struggle, but we get there!  If I am playing Scriptless on the Saturday night, as above, the same as Friday! 

Sundays:  During the winter the Court Theatre run a highschool theatresports competition series on Sunday evenings so I am often back down at the theatre by 6pm.  The rest of the day I try to keep free for family.And then it starts all over again…the nature of freelancing makes it hard to plan ahead.  Voiceover work is usually wanted “yesterday” and I never know when the phone is going to ring with an audition or work.  Corporate work is more planned and we cast Scared Scriptless shows a couple of weeks in advance.  I can also make myself ‘unavailable’ occasionally which means I can have a social life too.  It is the best of both worlds! There is also an expectation to keep up with the arts in Christchurch so I am often out seeing other shows.  It’s not unusual to be out 4 or 5 nights a week.  Consequently I am not always at my best in the mornings but the kids are great at getting their own weetbix! 

What learning’s or advice help you navigate life?    

Keep learning!

• Study anything that interests you whether you think it relevant or not.  In May/June I attended a series of lectures on life in the Antarctic.  Fascinating and refreshing!
• I have recently discovered the Virtues Project and learning about this has added to my “toolkit” for life.
• Do yoga!

Keep challenging yourself!

• Best summed up by my favourite quotation – “Life is a daring adventure or nothing” Helen Keller

What does success look like to you?    

 It’s a kind of gloopy viscous thing that is hard to grasp but quite heavy so when you get under it you can hold it for a while.  Close?  Not quite but…I think success for me is a sane family.  And that includes a sane me.  When I am entertained by my work, challenged physically and fit, I know I make better parenting decisions and that helps make a saner family.  Success is maintaining the adult relationship with my wonderful husband, while guiding my beautiful boys through childhood, and occasionally managing to feed them all healthy food at a reasonable hour. And – wow – if I can balance all that then that really is success! And a garden with a good crop of fruit and veg is also a raving success!   

Looking forward, if you could write your own life map, what destinations would be on it?   

Lots of different destinations!  I have a strong wanderlust, and often have to remind myself to live in the moment.  Running helps me stay present, although through running I am constantly planning the next race in some gorgeous corner of the country! I believe that you cannot always control the events of your life, but you can choose how you move forward through them, and no matter what happens, I hope my life map is always moving forward. 

What next … what inspires you? 

Learning your style…

Sometimes it’s hard to fathom that we actually choose what side of the fence we are on. Think about our conversations about the weather as a classic example of how we choose to think and react! One thing I learnt during my marathon training was that I could not afford to adopt a pessimistic view of the weather. Thinking “it’s too cold, too rainy, too cloudy, it might rain, I’ll go tomorrow when it’s finer”  wouldn’t have got me moving beyond the door during our winter months!

So why are some people more pessimistic in nature than others and how much does it restrict what we do in life? I recently read Martin Seligman’s book ‘The Optimistic Child’ in which he prescribes that our explanatory styles are learned in childhood and without explicit intervention will remain lifelong. So what does ‘explanatory style’ exactly mean? He describes it as the way we think about the causes of events that happen to us. Do we take on a pessimistic, permanent view of what’s happened or do we make more accruate observations about the event and deal with it specifically, rather than let it have a negative stronghold on other areas of our lives?

Language lessons

• Am I changing or growing? Which word do I feel more aligned to and what impact is that having on how I view my world?  
• Am I a “shoulda” a “coulda” a “woulda” and how does that impact on my thoughts and  actions and what I achieve?

Our language and conversations we hold both internally and with those around us provide us with a powerful insight into what we believe about ourselves. They are an imprint of our style and ulitmately a reflection of our essence, our being. So start noticing your internal dialouge as well as conversations you have with people in your life. What language are you using, what style are you adopting and is it an accruate reflection of who you truly are and what you want your life to be? Notice the thread between your thoughts- your language-your style-your behaviours-your actions. Are they blissfully weaving together or zig zagging all over each other!

Not only is another world possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing.

- Arundhati Roy

It’s called DreamU Camp, is sponsored by Dream University and its all
virtual. No travel required.

The lineup includes Jack Canfield, Marcia Wieder, Les Brown, David
Bach, Lynne Twist, Janet Attwood, Marci Shimoff and more.

I wouldn’t want you to miss it, so here’s your special invitation to
sign up today:

http://www.DreamUCamp.com

Let yourself be silently drawn by the stronger pull of what you really love. Rumi

In Canterbury we tend to hibernate as winter looms and we naturally begin to prioritise activities and outings, preferring the allure of our snug homes and the comfort that it brings. I encourage my clients to introduce a theme of living with purpose in winter. Doing things you really love and appreciate with a purposeful intent in mind. It doesn’t mean forgetting about goals you have set yourself, in fact it may be just the accompanient that you need in order to feel more energised and focused.

Try attaching a new sense of higher purpose to important key life areas as you springboard into the winter months. Although injured myself I have encouraged friends to run the SBS marathon this coming weekend as the NZ Spinal Trust is the chosen charity recipient. My friends enjoy the personal achievement of running but adding in a charity focus makes the run more meaningful for them on a whole lot of different levels. My son is also running and has set up his own fundraising page in order to raise his goal of $100 for charity. He can be a bit if a dreamer usually so I am amazed to see his sense of focus and the thrill he is getting from contributing to something bigger than himself. Go Nikau!

A starting point may well be to ask yourself some simple yet powerful questions!

• what does purposeful living mean to me?
• what activities and adventures do I absolutely love doing? 
• what are my energy ebbs and lows during the day?
• how do I feel when I am in the midst of what I love?
• what higher purpose connects me to the things I love?

 It may well be a sense of sharing or giving…to friends, family, your community, a school, a charity..where else can you make a difference in your life and in others?

I really connected to his comment. What would happen if I gave myself permission? As soon as I asked that question lots of answers flooded my way and as I processed each response I felt lighter, calmer and kind of excited. If you are a goal focused, action orientated high expectations type of gal you may well ponder the same question, and put the exercise to the test. Here were my results.

I gave myself permission to….let my injury go…along with the disappointment and frustration!

I gave myself permission to….get over a financial limiting belief and be open to new knowledge and learnings which led to action and freedom!

I gave myself permission to…step outside my professional comfort zone and embrace a new working challenge

I gave myself permission to…dance in the kitchen with Ellen whilst preparing dinner!

I gave myself permission…to do what felt right for me on Mother’s Day and just be with day: the good , the bad, the ugly

I gave myself permission to…ring my Mum’s cellphone to hear a voice long lost

I gave myself permission to…pretend

I gave myself permission to take back the power of a date, a day, a memory.

Without realising at the time as the week flowed by I was reframing situations, expectations and actions that perhaps I wouldn’t have otherwise allowed myself to do. Reframing is like moving the picture frame to encapsulate a different perspective, to shed new light on possibilites, options and opportunites. The power lies in our ability to know that our frame is just our particular perspective that we choose to hang  on to. How does it look from the other side? What have I not seen before? What is missing from this picture?

So give yourself permission to… do something new, think something different or feel something that you haven’t felt for a while and wait…and listen for the learnings that you can only teach yourself.

 

“What we see depends mainly on what we look for” John Lubbock

Broccoli Salad

(everybody hates the sound of it but everybody loves it!)

Raw broccoli florets cut up into small pieces

Cup of cashew nuts unsalted

Cup of sultanas

Cup of apricots cut up fine

Red Pepper finely diced

Red onion finely diced

Aoli dressing to mix

Combine all ingredients.

Tip: Never mention the words raw broccoli to your audience. I have been known to call it “Broccoli Tree Forest Salad” Hey, food should be visually appealing, so why not an enticing title to match?!!

Love begins at home, and it is not how much we do… but how much love we put in that action.  Mother Teresa

Our recent school holiday visit to Queenstown was a time to refresh and re-energise with family and friends. We had a lovely time, with friends staying for a few days, enjoying sightseeing and sitting around the dinner table, connecting over food, wine and conversation. My friend was really appreciative of the hospitality and food, which got me thinking about the value or lack of it we place on the home, the dinner table and how significantly it can impact on our wellbeing and connection to others. Hence, a section of blogs sectioned ‘Home and Heart’ which will endeavour to provide a source of information, tips, trade secrets and troves of domestic treasures that add value, comfort and joy to our homes and hearts. Feel free to share yours!

From the Heart….

Cherish

 Cherish hellos and goodbyes

and openings for I love you

Cherish celebrations… days to decades,

a moment shared embracing the comfort of silence and laughter

content and knowing, speaking volumes.

Cherish the small talk, the big talk

treasured words entwined by family, friends and aroha.

Cherish time of solitude, moments with loved hearts

melting memories dancing by as history turns your page.

Cherish knowing you are well and truly loved

by those on pages long past turned

and those who walk your journey still.

Cherish hearts, yours and mine

Cherish Cherish Cherish

Toni 2009

The non existent blogging on training towards the Routeburn equates to the amount of running I have been doing…zip. A degenerative achilles tendon diagnosis has renegaded me to support chick as the girls carry on the hard yards without me. It was a testy month of non running in an attempt to rest and rejuvenate. But it did make me question and process my own inner resourcefulness which is why I raise it here.

Goals are easy to set if they follow the rule of being S.M.A.R.T it’s hard to go wrong. So what happens when unforeseen obstacles land in our lap as we are trying to steer our course towards our ultimate goal? We often meet resistance, an inner feeling of turmoil that confuses and attacks our confidence and belief in ourselves. “When the going gets tough, the tough get going” but where exactly do we get going to when the goal posts have been shifted? What helps us dig deeper and look beyond the initial feeling of resistance we experience to make better choices and decisions?

Resistance meet Resourcefulness! I believe all my clients own an abundance of resourcefulness, I trust in their ability to grow deep and tall,to overcome obstacles and challenges and keep their eye on the bigger picture…their future dreams and aspirations. It has been humbling to experience my own resistance and find my own inner resourcefulness, which I didn’t accomplish on my own. Your support team comes into their own when you face challenges. Two conversations helped me process my inevitable withdrawal from the Routeburn and one came from a surprising source. A colleague who knew nothing about running  still helped me really ‘hear’ my thoughts and fears (and perhaps I am sure she was thinking, my sanity!) The other, someone who knows me well and just gently nudged me along…away from my own resistance to a more liberating space of opportunities and choices.

The internal dialouge we  have with ourselves is often self destructive and keeps us in a holding pattern of self crictism that serves no positive purpose. Conversations with friends, family, colleagues allow us to process things out loud which often removes the fear of our own thoughts, enabling us to move from the stuck position we find ourselves in. The same can be said with writing down your thoughts…often words lose their fear of hold over us as they sprawl across a page. The journal writers amongst you will be able to relate to this.

What does resourcefulness require of us?

• acknowledging the obstacles and challenges we face
• an ability to see our current reality as a choice with options available to shift our reality
• being kind to ourselves!
• being resilient and positive in attitude and actions
• looking within ourselves first for skills, attributes and personal qualities
• seeking strengths from others to support us

 My own resourcefulness lead to letting go of one race in order to run many more over the next decade (including the NY marathon 2013 goal); look forward to walking the Routeburn track with my family; support and cheer my friends at the finish line; enjoy walking as the seasons change; explore new exercise options that I may not have otherwise given ago; spend more time enjoying cooking and entertaining…the list of opportunities goes on!

So the glass is really half full, depending solely on how you wish to view your glass or the lens through which you see life. So dig deep next time you strike adversity, seek within you what you already know you have. You’ll be surprised by your own strengths and successes.

No question is so difficult to answer as that to which the answer is obvious. George Bernard Shaw

It’s not what you think by the way. Who hasn’t been struck down with juggling and struggling syndrome already this year? SO what are the symptoms?

•  Generally feeling  overwhelmed and under valued as we attempt to win the “Earth Mother” or ”Super Woman” of the year award. Week in and week out, our panel of enlightened judges (partner; children; boss; colleagues; friends; parents; society) see our worth and value by the sheer volume of activites, tasks, responsilbilites, jobs, committments we bravely take on.
•  Lack of self identity and connection…what is it I am doing again and can someone remind me why the hell this is so important to me?
• Being on auto pilot while the real you (you know… the interesting, fun,vivacious, engaging you) flits off  for example, to Toni’s world where life is rather more colourful , more exciting, a place or space that allows you to shine, to flourish, to feel joy and feel alive.
• No energy to go above and beyond the call of duty! That may resonate for you in different ways. Perhaps facing your exercise regime for the week is daunting due to the lack of sleep or self care you are able to give yourself. Perhaps your partner can see it written all over your face at the the end of the day as you send them a very powerful, non-negotiable message.

Whatever the symptoms are I am sure you can relate to them easily as they factor into your weekly life to some degree or another. If you have no symptoms, congratulations and please step forward to share your own remedy for eradication from this syndrome!

Awareness (of the symptoms) leads to clarity (about your reality) which leds to growth. Awareness of what you are feeling and how this is impacting on your life will allow you to make wiser choices which will lead to greater awareness and growth so on.

Effective personal strategies and tools to overcome ‘juggling and struggling’

• Say No….to tasks, committments, jobs, activities which are not a priority to you and what you value. Saying No allows you to say Yes to what is of utmost importance to you. It allows you space and time to direct your energy towards goals and outcomes that you value and are of benefit to you. It liberates  and allows us to breathe in a far more vibrant energy that creates its own intrnal flow, which in turn ripples into other areas of our life and beyond.
• Simplify your life… the older I get the more simple my life becomes, this is true. Connect with your values, what personal meaning do they have for you? Knowing and living your values will enable you to make wise choices and decisions along the road map of life. (I will explore values in a future blog)
• Work and live smarter applying the 80/20 rule or what is known as the ‘pareto principle’. 20% of your activities will account for 80% of your results. So identify the top 20% of your goals, tasks, responsibilites and committments and focus your energy on these. The results will speak for themselves.
• Focus on life management rather than time management. Do this by consciously focusing on the energy that you bring to daily tasks and you will begin to naturally priortise various aspects of your life. When you really think about it, things often don’t get done not because we didn’t have the time but because we didn’t have the required energy to match or complete the task. (The early morning run I flagged last week comes to mind!)

So, what do you choose?

Perhaps this little gem of a clip will inspire you…enjoy!

What do you choose?

One of things keeping me on track at the moment is a wider sense of accountability I have…namely to my running partners and my support team. This weekly snippet widens the net even further! I am now accountable to you…nothing like a bit of pressure to provide weekly updates on progress…goals in action so to speak. SO here it is in a nutshell:

The Pains:

• sore sore legs not used to running time and surprisingly an aching glut muscle from a hill walk!
• having to get up at 6am last week for an early morning run just so I could fit it in my day before I left on a girls weekend away.
• a sense of mild panic about what lies ahead, ie the training, the unknown factor of the run itself, will I have done enough?

The Gains:

•  running at 6.15am along a new route with a different bunch of friends who out of sheer madness do this early morning running every week!
• smug satistaction that I’m getting back to running fitness quite quickly after the summer break, not bad for 41!
• writing up my running diary and tracking my inital progress…feeling organised and on top of things.
• setting up another layer of accountability, another way of saying it outloud via the blog to a wider audience.

 

“To me, good health is more than just exercise and diet. It’s really a point of view and a mental attitude you have about yourself.”

Angela Lansbury